She Met Me Where I Was

It was 1999. I was twenty years old and sitting in a hotel room at a spa in Calistoga, California. I no longer viewed Christianity and Christians with derision (a recent development due solely to my having fallen in love with a boy who held such things in high esteem), but I still could not see how it or they were remotely applicable to my life.

While absentmindedly flipping through the channels of the hotel room television I happened upon an adorably dressed Rockabilly chick. She was seated in a nondescript room talking about something with some guy. The substance of their conversation is not what caught my attention, though. Truth be told, it was her trendy clothes and cute hairstyle that prompted me to pause on that particular channel.

Only after I’d spent a few moments appreciating her style did I start to listen in on the conversation she was having. I was shocked to discover that she was talking about her Christian faith! Who was this girl? No girl I’d ever known who looked like this had anything but disdain for such things. My interest having been piqued, I listened more closely.

She fascinated me with her reflections on pain and redemption, suffering and joy, sin and conversion. I was intrigued, if not yet sold. I finished the program and returned to the pool. As stimulating as I’d found her and her thoughts to be I didn’t spend much time thinking about them after turning off the television set. I was simply not ready to wrestle with such truths. 

Her image stayed with me, though. It buried itself somewhere deep within the recesses of my mind. It would not reveal itself again until years later when it would become but a tiny piece of the puzzle that led to my own conversion. Tiny, yes, but hugely significant.  

You see, she met me where I was. 

Conversion comes without the gnashing of teeth to very few. Even after the truth is mercifully revealed to us converts we still must battle against that part of ourselves that holds on so desperately to the things we held dear in our former life:

I don’t want to give up my vision of the future which I so painstakingly crafted over the last however-many years.

I don’t want to give up sexual autonomy and selfishness, materialism and control. 

I don’t want to give up my identity to become more like Him. 

But, of course, giving up our identity is not what He asks of us. Yes, we are called to constant conversion. We are, in fact, called to become Christ-like, but we are not called to jettison our personalities. God is endlessly creative. He made each one of us unique. He delights in our differences. 

Through the expression of her individuality, the girl I saw on the television that day showed me that I could become a Christian and still be me. Indeed, I would have to surrender many worldly things and sacrifice much, but I could still be me. My view of the world and my understanding of my place in it might radically change, but I could still be me. 

I needed to know that. I needed to see that to be open to conversion. 

The Church has a beautiful, powerful tradition of venerating individuals who sold their every possession, donned sackcloth and ashes and embraced a life of penance. These people inspire me and encourage me to greater heights of sacrifice and purification. But we are not all called to this sort of life. In fact, most of us aren’t. Most of us are called to live in the world, repent quietly, and evangelize gently. 

Never let anyone convince you that expressing yourself artistically, through fashion and the like, must result in an indulgence of your vanity. God has not made renouncing simple pleasures such as these a prerequisite for holiness. Being “the light of the world” and “a city set on a mountain that cannot be hidden” (Matthew 5:14) does not require you to dress in drab, shapeless garments so that all with whom you come into contact will recognize you as different from the rest. The peace and joy of Christ that shines through you will be all the evidence they need to know that you possess an unearthly treasure. 

Embrace your uniqueness. It was God who gave you your preferences and passions. He gave them to you for a reason. Perhaps His sole motive was simply to allow you to delight in temporal things during this short life. In all likelihood, though, He intends to use those things for an even greater end.

Perhaps you, too, will catch the eye of a curious young girl who will recognize something in you that reminds her a bit of herself and that glimmer of recognition will open her heart just a little. Would it be too much to hope she would hightail it to the nearest church and demand to be baptized on the spot? Maybe. Nevertheless, your image will likely stick with her. You may end up playing a more profound role in leading her to Christ than you ever could have imagined as you were slipping into your favorite dress that morning.

The Betty Beguiles Official Guide to Surviving the Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy and Early Postpartum Period.

Hiya girls!

I was feeling so sorry for this little neglected blog of mine (because she does have feelings, you know) and thought I should really stop by to visit with her but couldn't think of a single thing to say. I currently have absolutely no thoughts on Marriage, Moxie or Modesty unless you consider thoughts such as:

I sure am glad I'm married because I'd be pretty useless on my own right about now...

My moxie ran off and left me...

and

I couldn't care less about modesty at the moment because I am so ridiculously hot (and not in a good way)...

to be thoughts worth sharing. Honestly, pretty much the only other thing I think about right now is:

How am I ever going to survive until this little one is born?

Now that is something I think about a lot. That, and just how awesome life will be after she does finally make her appearance. So, that's what you're gonna get (forgive me--I know this will be pretty dull for most of you out there):

The Betty Beguiles Official Guide to Surviving the Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy and Early Postpartum Period.

During my previous pregnancies I've stumbled upon a few items that have made my life a bit more bearable during such times so I thought I'd share them with you. I hope you find this list helpful!


Emergen-C- This stuff is like crack to me--not that I would know anything about crack, of course--but I'm pretty addicted to my Emergen-C. I don't drink coffee (and if you have evidence to the contrary just hush) because it makes me feel anxious. I do need some sort of a boost, though, if I am going to avoid being comatose 24/7 and Emergen-C does the trick. LOVE this stuff.

Dr. Christopher's Prenatal Formula- I have taken this supplement since my very first pregnancy so I suppose that I have no real frame of reference but I have a very easy time in childbirth. Perhaps I'd have an equally smooth ride without it but I don't really care to find out. (Oh, and, of course, please don't take this until you have discussed it with your own health care provider.)

Evening Primrose Oil- See my explanation above for including Dr. Christopher's Prenatal Supplement on the list. Same goes for EPO. If you want more details on taking this email me or Google it. I'm far too shy to discuss publicly.

Alfalfa- I just started taking Alfalfa with my last pregnancy and the difference was dramatic. Things are about to get a little graphic so skip forward a bit if you'd rather not hear the specifics. Alfalfa is chock full of vitamin k (and iron, too) which helps with clotting which is so important after that placenta sets sail. Let's just say that the postpartum period goes a lot smoother when I take Alfalfa.

AfterEase- Oh My Word do those afterpains increase the more children I have. Contractions don't hold a candle to the pain that accompanies my shrinking uterus. AfterEase helps. It doesn't work miracles, but it does help. Make yourself some rice socks, too. I loooove my rice socks!

Motherlove Nipple Cream- I despise Lansinoh. I'm sorry. I know it works wonders for lots of ladies but I hate it. I feel like I'm walking around covered in Petroleum Jelly. Yuck! I much prefer Nipple Butter. Good stuff.

Lavender- My midwife suggested I use lavender products to relax (who me? uptight? nooooo.) and I must say, they really are very, very soothing. I've been using this bath gel, this candle and this body oil. Yum.

Motherwear Cross Wrap Nightgown - I found the nightgown of my dreams. It's super comfortable, breastfeeding-friendly and even kinda fetching (or so says Mr. Beguiles--though he may simply being trying to keep me from bursting into tears yet again). The only word of warning I will offer is this: if you are even remotely buxom buy a size larger than you think you will need. The cross-wrap top is pretty revealing.

Bravado Seamless Nursing Bra- The search is over. I have found my nursing bra of choice. I will never buy another. Don't let the lack of underwire fool you. This baby is super supportive and unbelievably comfortable. The price tag is startling, I'll admit (my MIL was sweet enough to fund the shopping excursion that secured this little darling), but I expect it will hold up well over time. All the reviews I've read assure me that is so, anyway. Love this undergarment. LOVE.

Body Pillow- I'd die without my body pillow. (Why, yes. We are feeling a bit melodramatic these days. Why do you ask?) I've tried the pregnancy pillows but they've never done it for me. My simple standard body pillow is all I want. She's just lovely.


What are your must-have items for late pregnancy and the early postpartum days? Please do share! Take care!

No Two People

Happy Birthday, Macaroon!

Faith and Family Live! Podcast

Lisa Hendey and Danielle Bean were kind enough to have me on their Faith and Family Live! Podcast this past week. I had a ball chatting with them about fashion, the Catholic New Media Celebration and more. Be sure to stop by if you'd like to have a listen!

And while you're over there, please visit my post, Nursing Wear to Fit Your Needs, Style and Budget, if you have (or need) any fashion advice for breastfeeding moms.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

7 Quick Takes Friday

Welcome, Conversion Diary readers! It's so very nice to meet you!

1.

Mr. Beguiles is, at long last, a bona fide blogger!

You’ve read his witty and incisive thoughts on the virtue of modesty in his guest post, My New Wife; you’ve heard a sampling of his music here; now, you can visit his new blog, That Strangest of Wars, to read the tale of his encounter with the demonic, listen to more of his music, peruse his short stories, and more!

2.

Beguiles Child # 3 is having a birthday this weekend! She’s turning 4! We are celebrating! With a Kitty Cat shaped cake! That I am making!

This should be fine.

That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. It helps that until last week she was demanding that I create a “Pegasus and Kitty Cat Flying Through the Sky with Rainbows and Clouds and Love!” cake. We’re all very happy that she’s strictly a one-magical-creature-at-a-time kind of girl this week. Mama especially.

3.

Have any of you heard of Apture’s Embed Builder?

Apparently there are all sorts of cool things that Apture can do but I’m most excited about their Embed Builder. It allows you to select the start and stop times of YouTube Videos before you put them on your site! I use Blogger and have had no problems embedding their codes but Mr. Beguiles and I can’t seem to use them successfully on his Wordpress blog. If you use Wordpress and can make this work, please let us know!

4.

I made a very special purchase this week. I bought a Birth Ball (also know as a Fitness or Exercise Ball but since I’m all about gestation right now I’m going with “Birth Ball”)!

So, these things are pretty cool. I’ve been rocking out on mine every day while I sit in front of the computer hiding out from the 100+ degree heat outside. Word has it that this little Birth Ball o’ Mine is going to help sweet Baby Beguiles into launch position and make said launch easier on her poor mother--me. I’m dubious.

Still, it can’t hurt to try and, besides, that ain’t all this baby can do! She can keep the rest of the Beguiles brood entertained for hours in the living room! Oh, yes she can! Of course, there was that one incident where one of them almost ran head-first into a plate of glass but they stopped just in time so no worries there. I’m sure it won’t happen again.

This ball of mine has also promised to return my abs to their former rock hard status after birth. The fact that I didn’t have rock hard abs to begin with isn’t something on which I’m choosing to focus. Moving on...

5.

I am very disappointed in the United States Postal Service.

Call me strange but I love the USPS. Always have. I love mailboxes and mail and even the squeaky sounds of those old mail truck brakes. After all, how else would I know when my mail has been delivered if it weren’t for those squeaky brakes?

Sadly, the USPS seems to be on a campaign to hurt me.

First they started installing those lame neighborhood group-mailboxes in the new subdivisions instead of traditional curbside mailboxes and now they seem to be retiring all those cute mail trucks that I so love! I keep seeing these old jalopies (don’t get me wrong I have mad love for jalopies--just not in conjunction with the USPS) with a little detachable light on top of them delivering my mail. The mail guys and gals don’t even wear uniforms anymore!

USPS, where’s your self-respect?

6.

Dreft. Oh, sweet Dreft. You’re so delicious and good.

You make these last few weeks of pregnancy almost bearable. You might just put me into labor one of these days. Or not. That still feels like The Moment That is Destined to Never Arrive. Thanks for trying, though.

7.

I have a little public service announcement for all you manly men out there whose wives have opted to have an out-of-hospital birth.

You may start to notice boxes arriving on your front porch as your sweet baby’s due date approaches. Some of them may be from companies with seemingly innocuous names such as Motherlove or Earth Mama Angel Baby.

Do Not Open These Packages.

There are items that we ladies like to have on hand after childbirth that you’d be better off not knowing anything about. Just trust me on this one.

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Below is a linky list if you'd like to add a link to your own 7 Quick Takes post. (1) Make sure the link you submit is to the URL of your post and not your main blog URL. (2) Include a link back here.

I look forward to reading your posts!

Submitting to Submissiveness

Since this last month of my pregnancy is doing such an awesome job of stealing every last drop of my creative energy, I thought I'd cheat and re-post a little something from the archives. This was originally published on March 3rd, 2009.

Oh, and welcome Conversion Diary readers! I look forward to getting know you all better this Friday!

**********

In the comments section of the first post in this series, Sarah of Fumbling Toward Grace asked me whether it's “ever hard for me to let go of my will and keep my mouth shut when my husband does something differently than I would do it?” And the answer to that is a resounding YES! In fact, a dear friend of mine mentioned that she'd read that comment and it had made her laugh out loud. Thanks a lot! No, I kid. She’s absolutely right.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I am a convert to Christianity. I was raised in a very liberal household where the idea of a wife submitting to her husband was anathema. I won’t go into detail but suffice it to say, this was not an attitude that was instilled in me in my youth and it has been a challenging one for me to adopt.

Several things conspired to change my thinking on this issue. First and foremost, the teachings of my faith compelled me to examine this issue further. I realize that many women of faith come to different conclusions regarding submissiveness and I can only speak to my own. After much prayer and study, I felt that I was being called to step aside and let my husband be the spiritual head of our household which I believe requires my being able to defer to his will from time to time. This does not mean that I never speak up, that we never discuss and debate issues, or that I am a passive member of this union (and I hope it goes without saying that no woman should ever tolerate any form of abuse that puts herself or her children in danger.) It simply means that when push comes to shove, when we have reached an insurmountable impasse, that I step aside and let my husband lead as I believe God intends him to.

In addition to gaining that spiritual insight, I began to see that our arguments, my determination to be in control, and my need to have the last word, were threatening to damage our marriage. I had to take a hard look at whether my behavior was inhibiting my husband from assuming his God-given role as spiritual head of our household. I also had to acknowledge how very prideful I can be. Why was I so certain that if I didn’t control every aspect of our family life that disaster would follow? Did I not trust my husband more than that? Was I so sure that my judgment was infallible? The conclusions I came to forced me to make changes in my behavior that stretched and challenged me greatly. I am a prideful creature and I abhor letting go of the reins and letting someone else have the final say. I’m blessed though to have a wise, respectful and caring husband who I trust implicitly. That doesn’t mean that I never balk or that we never fight. As I mentioned, being submissive doesn't come naturally to me but I feel certain that this is what God is asking of me and so I continue to try to do His will as best I can.

Mr. Beguiles and I have developed a pretty good system for solving our disagreements. I’ll be completely honest, given my fiery temper, we occasionally have words first, but after the storm has passed and tempers have calmed, we try to stick to a three step place that has proven to work quite well.

1.
We start by simply taking the time to calmly discuss the issue. He listens to my opinion and I to his and we try to reach a resolution that way. Most of the time we are successful, but not always.

2.
If open debate fails to yield a resolution, we try to determine who feels the most strongly about the issue at hand. Is it something that matters quite a bit to one of us but not so much to the other? If so, though we may still disagree, the person who feels less strongly about the issue at hand usually doesn’t mind stepping aside, in which case, we have our resolution.

3.
It is when we still can’t find a suitable solution after the previous two steps that I feel called to trust my husband and allow him to make a final decision. It’s never easy for me, but with practice and prayer, I will say it has become less difficult over time.

In the event that I find it necessary to defer to my husband, I always make sure to place the difficult situation into the merciful hands of our Lord and ask him to guide my husband and bring the issue to a peaceful conclusion. And He does. Every. Single. Time. That doesn’t mean that He informs my husband that he is wrong and I am right (at least not every time -- wink) but He always sorts things out for us. Sometimes I realize that I wasn’t seeing clearly and that my husband was correct all along. Occasionally, my husband, given time to prayerfully consider the situation, decides that I was right in my thinking. Often, God sorts it out in His own wonderfully mysterious way, bringing about a resolution that neither of us had considered. After all, ultimately God is in control. He never abandons us. He only asks that we trust Him and are faithful to Him. And we can trust Him.

So, no, submissiveness is not easy for me. I’m not very good at it, actually. But I feel certain that it is what God is asking of me and so I keep trying and I keep praying. As difficult as it may be in the moment, I feel such peace as a result of my decision to allow my husband to lead our family. I ask the Lord to help me to be a faithful, trusting wife, to bless my husband with wisdom, and to guide and protect our family. And then I just try to get out of the way so He can do His holy work.

And the winner of the Shabby Apple Giveaway is...

Jenny of Hidden Fern!

Congratulations, Jenny!

(Email me at BettyBeguiles @ gmail dot com to claim your brand spankin' new Shabby Apple dress!)

Many thanks (and lots of love!) to everyone who entered! I do believe we'll have to do something like this again very, very soon...