Discerning Modesty

The realization that I ought to be making an attempt to dress modestly did not hit me until a year or two ago. Since then I have been trying to discern God’s will for me in this department. Different women come to different conclusions regarding the parameters of modesty. Some women decide that modesty ought to mean three quarter sleeves, ankle-length skirts and high collared shirts and I have great respect for them. My discernment process left me with a slightly different conclusion but each woman must search for these answers individually. I thought I would post the method I used to answer this question in case there is anyone out there who finds themselves in a similar situation.

How does God want you to dress? Where is he leading you? In my case, after prayerful consideration, I discerned that God was asking me to pair my pants with tunic-length tops, stick to knee-length or longer skirts, avoid anything too form fitting, and to wear shirts with necklines high enough to conceal cleavage. I will continue to pray that he unveils his will in this and all areas of my life but for now I feel confident that these are the parameters that he has given to me. Ask and listen and he will guide you.

What styles does your husband favor? Have you noticed that he compliments you when you wear dresses or does he think you look pretty cute in a skirt and blouse? Does he like you in heels or does he prefer a more sporty look? Go ahead and ask him if you’re not sure. We ought to be making an effort to dress for our husbands at least part of the time. We are all constantly bombarded with the message that we should be dressing only for ourselves but I’m of the mind that since we love our husbands we should always be searching for little ways to please them.

What kind of clothes do you feel confident in (within the parameters of your understanding of modest dress)? No one wants to feel uncomfortable all the time. I believe that as wives we ought to be trying to cultivate cheerful dispositions. I know that, for me, that would prove to be challenging if I were to dress in a way that made me feel self-conscious and unattractive. What style best compliments your figure? You know the answer to this question better than anyone. In my case, dresses that cinch at my waist then fall loosely to my knees best compliment my hourglass figure.

Now, what if you and your husband are at odds with regard to your wardrobe? What if your husband’s preferences and what you have discerned to be God’s will for your wardrobe differ? I am fortunate that my husband agrees with my taste and what I believe to be appropriate dress. I can easily envision a scenario where one might run into trouble, though.

(Now, if your husband is asking you to wear something terribly suggestive, such as mini-skirt or particularly low-cut shirt, you may need to stand your ground. After all, you are first and foremost a daughter of God.)