In Good Times and in Bad

If I’ve learned anything about marriage in the past years it’s that matrimony is comprised of valleys and peaks. It’s so easy, in those early days of love, to believe that the honeymoon will last forever. I was sure that would be true for me and Mr. Beguiles but I assure you we’ve hit our rough patches on occasion, as all married couples do. I’ve never known of a marriage that was constantly teeming with red hot passion or breathless romance. We are not always going to be perfectly in sync with our spouses and to expect such things puts far too much pressure on the union. But while it would be obviously unrealistic to expect the honeymoon to last forever, it would be just as wrong to think that the inevitable hard times will never end.

I’ve long suspected that the high rate of divorce is, in part, the result of couples believing that they are doomed to be in a rut for the rest of their days together. No one ever told them that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. They were never prepared to experience such things and so they simply jump ship before their marriage has the chance to pull out of valley and head back up the mountain. If a couple imagines that the darkness will never lift it becomes extremely difficult to endure. It is quite likely that many of us will find ourselves staring at our spouse from time to time thinking, “Who is this man and what has he done with my husband?” Our husbands may very well think the same of us on occasion but I promise you this is actually quite natural. It’s certainly no cause for despair. I’m not claiming these experiences will be painless but the knowledge that this is indeed a normal part of marriage is what will get you through. You will come out on the other side and will, individually and as a couple, be better for it.

Decide now that you will not let yourself become disillusioned when your marriage hits a bump in the road. Not only will you survive these dry spells but, as I mentioned, they can actually have a positive impact on your marriage. These moments of marital aridity teach us to choose love. It’s easy to serve, comfort, and give affection to our husbands when we are feeling romantically toward them. It’s not so easy to do when you’ve been bickering for days, or even months, on end. Do it anyway, whether you think he deserves it or not, because getting in the practice of choosing to love regardless of how you may be feeling, will serve you well over time. Feelings are fickle. Always remember that you vowed to stand by your dear husband in good times and in bad. Unfortunately, I think it’s safe to say that marital rough patches are probably not going to be the most challenging thing you will ever face as a couple. Life is often very hard. (I know I don‘t need to tell you that.) We will all encounter sickness, poverty, the death of a loved one, persecution and/or any number of other painful circumstances during the course of our lives. These things will test us in a variety of ways and our relationships with our spouses are not immune to these trials. But again, by getting in the habit of choosing to love, you will be much better prepared for these unexpected hardships when they do arise.

The flip side of all of this is that we also must guard against pride when we find ourselves on a peak. It is but for the grace of God that we’re not still down in the valley floundering in the mud. We need Him and our marriages need Him. At all times, not just the challenging ones. Enjoy the heights of romantic love and allow yourself to be rejuvenated by them. They are a gift from God. These moments are what strengthen us and allow us to face the hard times that will surely come again. Just be sure that while you are basking in the glow of marital bliss that you do not forget to pray, to examine your conscience, and to keep doing the little things, and big things, that delight your spouse even if it feels unnecessary to devote the extra time to such things while you’re so in sync. Being faithful to these small habits during the high times will serve you well when the going gets tough again.

So, girls, be sure to savor and be refreshed by the good times but also be open to the lessons that can be learned during the bad and do not despair! God is just giving your marriage a little tune-up.

(Head on over to Works For Me Wednesday at Rocks In My Dryer to find a treasure trove of helpful advice! Thank you for being such a lovely hostess, Shannon!)