Over the short life of this little blog I’ve heard a few criticisms and concerns here and there that I’d like to address…
The remark I hear most often, and the one that concerns me the most, is that the impression I have given of myself and my life, has made someone feel bad about themselves. I am so sorry if this is true. I would never want that! I have also been told that I hold women to standards that are unattainable for many.
I can see how from the tone of my blog, one could come to the conclusion that I am ever cheerful, always energetic, have the perfect marriage and moonlight as a runway model. None of these are true, of course.
I think it might be helpful for me to tell you a bit more about myself and clarify a few points that perhaps I should have made clearer from the beginning.
As many of you know, I am a convert to Christianity, Catholicism in particular. Prior to my conversion I was a mess of a girl. I was morose, cynical, hard-hearted and full of despair. These are things that Christ can, will and does heal. These are also habits that die hard.
Many things prompted me to begin writing here but one of the motivations was selfish, I’m afraid. I wanted to use it to counter and correct the depressive side of my personality. And it has. By blogging here, and striving to take my own advice, I find myself becoming a little less Hallie-circa-1999 and a little more Betty Beguiles.
Here are a few caveats and clarifications, if you will. I want to do my best to ensure that no one who stops by my little home away from home on the web leaves discouraged.
Appearance
I have problems with my adrenal gland. It’s nothing serious but something that does require my taking small amounts of medication that make maintaining a healthy weight difficult at times. My weight yo-yo’s up and down and has for my entire life. The condition also makes me very tired if not treated properly. I am an emotional eater. I have had four children in five years. I am no Heidi Klum.
But, I maintain what I wrote here: Every woman is unique and possesses her own set of physical attributes that set her apart and make her shine.
What I want women to strive for, myself included, is to not be so hard on themselves. Celebrate what is beautiful and feminine about whatever kind of physique God gave you. We all have flaws but no flaw has the power to inhibit you from dressing in a way that makes you feel good about yourself and is pleasing to your husband.
That having been said, stressful, busy, and tiring episodes will come and go throughout your years. On the hard days (or months or years) you may not be able to set your hair, dress your best, stay fit or keep your lipstick fresh every day. I understand this. I have been there. At times I have been stuck there for such a long time that I started to give up on myself. I felt terrible, and I was not the wife I wanted to be.
So, when I post exuberant posts about fashion, make-up, hairstyles or shoes or even when I write more seriously about dressing well for our husbands and as a means of more effective Christian witness, I simply do so to inspire and to impart the value and attainability of such a goal. Most of us are not going to fit into sample sizes, many of us are not wealthy, and all of us feel overwhelmed, exhausted and down-in-the-dumps from time to time. But none of us need to wear sweats every day, go days without showering, or forgo the small feminine pleasures that lift our spirits. You deserve better and so does your spouse.
Marriage
When my husband and I met we were both leading very sinful lives, we had immoral habits and we were angry. Again, there is nothing that Christ cannot make new but healing takes time, is painful and is hard work. We have a beautiful, grace-filled, loving marriage. We also hurt one another regularly and have had our fair share of walks through the valley.
I could tell you all about our fights and struggles but I’d rather chat with you all about the fun, romantic and loving aspects of marriage. Everyone is different. Some people are encouraged by hearing stories of marital strife because it shows them that we all go through hard times and makes them feel less alone. I think that kind of honesty is important and I’m glad that there are bloggers out there who offer that style of encouragement. But other people are most inspired by images of beauty and romance. They breathe in these images and it motivates them to try a little harder to obtain such loveliness. I fall into the latter category which is why you see what you see here. It doesn’t mean there’s not ugliness in my life, it just means that I don’t feel called to write about it.
Also, you should know that I am willful, stubborn, opinionated and controlling. When I discuss things such as submissiveness, service and selflessness, I hope it is clear that I am writing about an ideal I am striving for and one that I think is worthy of such effort. I’m not there yet. I’m not even close. Don’t be discouraged. We’re all works in progress.
Modesty
I hope it goes without saying that my understanding of modesty is mine alone. It is not my place to tell you whether you should or should not wear pants or precisely where your hemline should fall. That’s between you and God. I simply seek to demonstrate that dressing modestly is a worthy goal and that you can do so without being frumpy. Modesty can and should be feminine and flattering.
Oh, and lest you think I am ashamed of the female form, take a peek at this post: Behind Your Veil.
The Past
For as long as I can remember I have loved vintage fashion and have drawn inspiration from the past, particularly the forties and fifties. It’s not for everyone and probably leaves some people cold. There’s nothing wrong with that. We all have our own unique sources of inspiration. This is mine and that’s why I choose to demonstrate modesty and femininity through that lens.
Am I a romantic? Yes. But, you knew that already. 
Do I think this is a bad thing? Absolutely not.
I am aware that the past was not perfect and I truly do not idealize it. I do draw inspiration from it though. I try to take what is good and helpful from the past, apply it to my life and leave it at that. I want my writing to be uplifting, fun and lighthearted. There are endless criticisms of the past and that is well and good. It’s just not what I do here.
This blog is all about celebrating womanhood and femininity, in its classic definition. One of the reasons I draw inspiration from the 1940′s and 1950′s is because it was an era when the classic definition of femininity was celebrated (maybe not perfectly, but moreso than today when we think that women need to have rock-hard abs, no hips and thongs hanging out of their size 4 pants). Betty Beguiles, the blog, isn’t about wearing a certain size or being magazine cover ready; it’s about loving being a woman — a real woman — with all that encompasses.
29 Comments
Thank you, Betty!!
As a friend who knows you off-line, I know that you are real
However, this post was remains a lovely reminder to reach for ideals–and that you have to familiarize yourself with the ideal before you can achieve it!
Oh, Betty! I'm sorry you've come under such harsh criticisms. I love your blog, and I find every post so refreshing, especially in today's day and age. Please keep it up, please don't change anything about your blogging for anyone, and never feel the need to justify yourself in the future. You are an inspiration to many — not only for your positive posts, but also for the fact that you are a very real and flawed like the rest of us woman and a great reminder that we all have such potential to strive for being the best woman of God that we can be. We love you, Betty!
Beautiful post, Betty!
I love your blog, because it is so positive, inspiring, and uplifting! Don't change a thing about it.
I love your advice on modesty, and maintaining femininity and I have implemented much of it myself. My husband may not realize I spruce myself up before he comes home everyday, but I know it has made me feel more beautiful and feminine.
Thanks for putting it out there. God bless you and yours!
I second Valerie's sentiments.
Your blog is so encouraging to me, even as I read it while sitting in my football camp t-shirt and workout shorts… hours after my workout.
I love the old-fashioned flare that is the theme of this blog. Please don't change a thing!
I have to confess the 40s and 50s don't really do it for me. But I love your upbeat attitude and your romanticism. I love coming here and being inspired by our shared vision of what it means to be a Christian wife and mother.
I'm one of those bloggers who often feels called to share about struggles and trials in my life and I'm glad to know that helps others. But I know that's not what everyone else is called to do. Moreover, I think it can be dangerous to compare ourselves to others. I try to keep my eyes fixed on Christ and let him sort out what I'm supposed to be doing rather than looking to what others are doing.
I'm so sorry that people have criticized you or made you feel at all bad about what you've written. I've missed you here during your move and look forward to more Betty posts.
And I wish you lived next door so we could have a cup of tea together every day while our kids play in the yard.
(Sorry, I misspelled the first message.. you know I can't stand when I misspell..) LOL!
Hey girlfriend! I adore you! We can't please 'em all, but you did a great job at humbly expressing yourself to reveal a little more about your life.
Once again, you provide an example of true femininity; being gracious, kind and just doing your best to clarify what's in your heart to try and ease someone else's. My response would have involved a couple more, "OH NO YOU DI-INT's!" You are such a gift to the [blogging] world! 
Love ya!
Betty ~ thank you for your candor and honesty. I look forward to being inspired once by you and your lovely disposition and positive attitude.
Blessings and Grace…
I love your blog. Please keep it up!
Thank you for sharing.
You go girl!
I LOVE your blog — it's so inspiring and of course, your love for the 40's and 50's is something I wholeheartedly share.
Keep on keepin' on; you are a great writer.
Hi Betty. I found your blog a while back when Conversion Diary posted that hilarious story about the poopy cleaning up and I've been hooked ever since. I love your blog because it is uplifting. The pink background and your happy posts encourage me. When I see "BETTY BEGUILES" in my inbox among a bunch of other sad & depressing forwards about how bad everything in the world is, I drop everything else and read your short & happy posts. THANKS!
I think you are awesome!
I'm one of those people who thinks dirty laundry shouldn't be hung out until it's gone through the washer and is clean. There is so much ugliness in the world already. Thank you for adding some beauty to it, Betty.
Good post!
Thank you for honesty, humility and inspiration!
May God bless the work of your hands!
Thank you! Your link to your past post about marriage came at just the right time for me!
Betty,
I love your blog, and have never felt that you were being preachy or holier-than-thou. I especially enjoy your philosophy that modesty needn't be frumpy, and embrace it myself. Keep up the good work, girl!
I've never posted a comment here before, but I just had to say, I'm a recent discoverer of your blog, and I find it so inspiring! I, too, am sorry for the naysayers. I've been reading archives since I discovered you here (since you've had important reasons to take a blogging break). Your writing is a breath of fresh air in a world that rarely values true femininity, and I very much appreciate the challenge to try harder. I grew up fascinated by vintage things too (although a little older – more Victorian/Edwardian myself) – but I love the 40's and 50's as well. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with the world, and please, don't stop writing!
Love your blog, "Betty." I'm inspired, and aspiring, too.
Love your blog, and love this post! I too am a born-again Christian, and I love seeing Christian women advocating dressing well, but modestly. I love how much you love your husband as well- it's incredibly evident, and even in the church today, it's too common to hear wives putting their spouses down. I'm putting you on my blogroll and will be keeping up with you!!
You're lovely and so are your words.
A friend of mine just forwarded your blog to me and I will be back. I love this post.
Go get 'em, my sister in Christ and fellow Catholic witness. Looking forward to following your blog and hope you stop an over to mine, Seven Oaks, if you feel so inclined.
I'm so glad that I stumbled upon your site today. Your honesty is both refreshing and heart warming. Keep doing what you do to make a difference. It's so worth it!
Dearest Betty,
Every blog serves a purpose. Yours always brings a smile of happiness to my face. You do a wonderful job of emphasizing the bright, beautiful aspects of life and love, modesty and marriage. I love you and don't want you to change your blog AT ALL!
XOXOXO
Elizabeth Esther
Hi Betty! I loved your post at Faith & Family Live today. Man, being a newlywed is so much tougher than anyone ever made it out to be! I have to say, sometimes I do feel a little envious when you talk about the romantic things you and your husband do, because it is like pulling teeth to get mine to do anything like that. However, I am still inspired by your blog to try and do whatever works in our marriage to add a little romance.
Also, I wanted to tell you I was thinking of you yesterday because I watched "It Happened One Night" after someone on your blog suggested it. Loved it!
I can tell I'm going to enjoy your blog very much! Looking forward to getting to know you better!
I am a fairly new reader, and LOVE your blog. I didn't come here because I needed any clarifications – just to learn more. I have been reluctant to begin a blog as a *Catholic* (I have blogged before but not in a network of faith filled women…) — and really struggled with doing so, because of my past. I love and am encouraged how your perspective is forward facing — believing in the NEW wine skin…HE does tell us to continue (forward) in our race. I see/read this in your blog. I can see how I am NOT shackled to my past. God Bless…you are a remarkable young woman!!
i found you throught he Little House that Grew and I think that you have written this so honestly and eloquently that I am pleased to follow you:) blessings, mandy