My life is a story of seasons; of traveling in and out of times of want and of plenty. Having been pregnant five times over the last decade it could be argued that–physically-speaking–the emphasis has been on want. Five pregnancies, five births, five early postpartum periods. Five seasons of self-denial and of self-preservation.
And it’s been glorious in its own mysterious way. Not just because of the sweet babies but because through these seasons of want my soul has been purified in ways I never could have imagined. I’ve practiced intense self-sacrifice as I’ve poured myself out–body and soul–for my little ones and I’m better for it. Despite what our society might assert, that is the definition of thriving.
It’s not just something that happened to me. God pushed, I resisted, he pushed some more, and I learned–little by little and very slowly–how to surrender. To thrive we absolutely must surrender and surrendering is hard–so very, very hard.
We must be gentle with–and merciful towards–ourselves. During these consuming periods of growth I’ve learned to go easy on myself. Showers are more rare than I’d care to admit and yoga pants more common. The pursuit of endeavors outside of my little home doesn’t even cross my mind. This is not a failure on my part but a victory over selfishness. After all, this self-forgetfulness is a dying to self; this is the strength of a mother; and this is to be applauded.
I realized recently, though–as my little girl celebrated her first birthday–that my dying to self was starting to look an awful lot like indulging myself. What had once been the virtue of self-denial was becoming disfigured and starting to manifest itself as sloth.
It wasn’t laziness that caused me to stumble but fear. Fear that if I pushed myself a little harder, expected a little more, that I would crash and burn. It’s a delicate balance we mothers seek between protecting ourselves from burn-out and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone to ensure that we are achieving all that God is asking of us. It requires vigilance, careful discernment, and a whole lot of trust.
It requires us to trust that if we do push too hard that God will be there to break our fall and gently guide us back to balance.
And trust we must–for though it’s true that a rejection of the dying to self that periods of want require would be a failure to thrive, so, too, would be a refusal to fully embrace seasons of plenty. Just as the Church calls us both to seasons of feasting and fasting, not all the days of a mother’s life are meant to be spent in survival mode.
Sometimes I get so immersed in surrendering to these seasons of want that I fail to notice that they have come and gone. The baby sleeps through the night, my energy levels increase, and I’m still standing there in my dirty pajamas. Before I know it we’ve been entrusted with another precious soul and I’m left wondering why I didn’t take advantage of the reprieve.
In all but the most extraordinary of circumstances, most women are given a little break between the more intense moments of motherhood (such as pregnancy, birth, and the early postpartum period). We are given an opportunity to rebuild the temples of the Holy Spirits that were broken down in delivering new life so that they can be built up again to emerge–body and soul–more resplendent than ever.
What does thriving look like during seasons of plenty? It will look different, of course, for each woman, but I found Jen’s suggestions to be a great source of inspiration. The following are on my short list:
- Pursue physical fitness.
- Have fun with your appearance.
- Enjoy your favorite hobbies.
- Nurture your marriage.
- Feather your nest.
- Enrich your prayer life.
While caring for our families should always be our priority, God cares, too, about our needs and our passions. It took me almost ten years to learn that it is not a virtue to cast them off out of some misguided sense of martyrdom. Sometimes, it’s true, he says, “No, now is not the time.” But sometimes he says, “Yes, my daughter. Rest, relax, and seek rejuvenation.” Strange how it can be harder for me to hear that prompting than the one that calls me to self-sacrifice.
I’m a slow learner but this I now know: there is never a time, never a situation, where God shuts out the potential for you to thrive. Thriving can’t be limited to some narrow definition. We are not thriving if we neglect the physical in favor of the spiritual. Neither are we thriving if we do the opposite. A mother’s life can be full of all sorts of satisfying experiences: the joy of embracing the cross of self-denial, the blessing of cultivating passions, and the gift of pursuing physical fitness, loveliness and pleasure. The key is to surrender to the season; to surrender to whatever it is that God is asking of you at any particular moment. To push yourself outside of your comfort zone, to listen to the ever changing call of God, and to thrive wherever you are planted.
21 Comments
Hah, first comment and it is a man! Good article. Also, I think the picture is a good reminder that in order to get to spring, you have to plow through winter.
This post really moved me – I’m in an ‘in between’ season. I’ve come to realize that this time in which pregnancy isn’t possible is a time to really take care of myself: physically, mentally, spiritually. At first I felt quite guilty, but I tell myself over and over that my husband and kids, and any future ones (God-willing) deserve to have me take care of myself now.
Thriving? Oh yes, indeed I am. Just not how I expected “thriving” would look. :)
Kim recently posted..The Specialist
Love this, Hallie. I too struggle with listening to the call to rejuvenate as well as I listen to the call to sacrifice. I’m trying to get better though. That’s exactly why I just “feathered our nest”! Lovely post.
Dwija {House Unseen} recently posted..Happy 1 Year Bloggiversary to Me!
It is hard to do it all-
I might exercise/decorate/cook gourmet meals more when the kids are older, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do some of that now!
priest’s wife recently posted..New American
“We are given an opportunity to rebuild the temples of the Holy Spirits that were broken down in delivering new life so that they can be built up again to emerge–body and soul–more resplendent than ever.”
Love this. Look at the changes, the teardowns and the remodels the Temple underwent in the Bible. What a wonderful image to attach to our response to our vocation.
Cari recently posted..Snapshots From A Sunday Schedule
This is a funny thing. I never felt when my kids were all young like I was denying myself in anyway. Yes, it is hard, but every good thing I’ve done has always been hard. I felt (and still do) like the luckiest person on earth, to be immersed in those young lives. The way I sum it up, is in answering an imaginary question: “Don’t you have anything better to do than . . . .?” [be morning sick, change diapers, supervise homework . . .] The answer is: No. I really don’t. Those are the best things.
Jennifer Fitz recently posted..Which Republican?
wonderfully written! Thank you.
So well written Hallie!
Its hard to get the hang of motherhood. The times of sacrifice can feel so hard at the time, but I think they’ve helped me realize how to enjoy my life more fully when I’ve got a little extra time/energy. I’ve just had my fourth baby and my oldest is only 4, so I feel like I’m bouncing between all the different stages within a very short time. I try to remind myself that each season has its advantages and blessings….especially when I’ve got toddlers asking me for things constantly and a baby crying for me in his swing…I better run!
Christy recently posted..Surviving the young days of Motherhood
Deep Thoughts by Hallie Lord. Good stuff. ;D
I read both those articles (thanks for the links!), and I agree with both. My mini-epiphany lately has been that, if how we’re living was the norm, we’d be happier. Comparison and unrealistic expectations that are fueled by TV, mags and movies, etc. (telling us what awesome lives people have, and how we should be living), make us feel like losers, wasting our lives. Whereas, if what we saw was other families like our own, moms staying at home with their kids, having pregnancy after pregnancy, and fairly limited activities, I think we’d be more apt to be content, and see the things we accomplish in a positive light, instead of in a comparative (and thus ‘not as good’) light.
Does that make any sense? I mean, if every family on your street had 7 kids, homeschooled, and spent more time scrubbing unidentifiable goo off walls than dressing up going to work and off to dates in their clean, sippy-cup-free cars, we wouldn’t be so apt to compare as there wouldn’t be such a great divide, and thus feel like we’re missing something. And that’s sad. We shouldn’t sink to comparisons… and yet I know I often do, and it rarely ends well!
Thanks for the thoughts! Mothers of many unite!
This is beautiful. So much to think about. This was the line that spoke the most to me: “Sometimes I get so immersed in surrendering to these seasons of want that I fail to notice that they have come and gone. The baby sleeps through the night, my energy levels increase, and I’m still standing there in my dirty pajamas. ” I’ve had the same kind of struggles, though I’ve recognized in hindsight that my energy levels were better and I could have don’t more, trying to identify the season I’m in in the moment is still very hard for me. I feel like it’s so easy to see it in hindsight but in the moment… is it a season of plenty or of want? After four kids, I’m starting to identify patterns and to recognize seasons as they come but as you add one more person to the complex dance the length and nature of the seasons change. It’s not so simple as looking out the window to check the weather.
This is so well written, Hallie. Inspirirng and beautiful. Thank you for writing it.
Sarah @ Amongst Lovely Things recently posted..An Update on the Love Message Board
Balanced post, really nice. We strive to do what we can when we can and find a balance in life. Sometimes just being nice is the highest calling of the day. The first ten years is so hard. When I look at young moms now, I know what they are going through, I’ve been there. But behind their hastily swept up hair and pretty scarf with spit up on it and a baby on each hip…there lies a heroine. One without a good night’s sleep in two years, or a hot meal. Smiling for her babies and for everyone who smiles at her beautiful family. Families, become what you are! The huge up side to technology, in my books…the blogging mamas who help other mamas know, it’s all normal. While we lack community so badly in our world today, here we have a small piece of what physical community offers us, just a place to know what is normal. Praise be.
These are wonderful posts! Thank you!
Love this and would love to write more, but I’m going to get out of these baggy PJs and put on something lovely and fresh (even though I was up all night with my little man). If I have time to change the bedsheets today (which I’ve been working on), then I have time change my clothing!
God bless.
Kate Wicker recently posted..{this moment}
In Australia, most mothers put their children in daycare centres in order to “thrive”, mostly career-wise, though I know of plenty of cases where the mother was exercising/shopping/cleaning her house rather than working. This is hugely encouraged and endorsed by the government which doesn’t acknowledge the contribution of full-time mothers . What worries me more, though, is that these mothers aren’t sharing what makes them thrive with their children, creating lasting bonds and an example of embracing motherhood to future generations.
I am proud of the fact that although I don’t home-school, my children are with me while I work from home, difficult though it can be, and that they share in the joys and struggles of something that I have learnt is integral to my thriving.
Thanks, Hallie, for another thought-provoking post!
This is great reading! Full of truth.
lovely reflection.
i desire to thrive in all seasons, with simplicity and JOY.
Ad Jesum per Mariam.
lena recently posted..St. Agnes
*Sigh* What a breath of fresh air this was for me!!!! I was just trying to explain to a very critical girlfriend of mine (who is closed to life through a vasectomy) just how I am content with my life even through the uncomfortable pregnancies and life with littles around. She cannot fathom how that can be! I explained that the change of seasons, excitement, fatigue, hard work, challenges, etc. all bring me something new every day. As I heard in the homily this week, “If you are not following God’s will for your life, the result will be boredom!” I am never bored! I am trying my best to respond to God’s call for my life and I am constantly rewarded (currently with a 6 or 7 lb baby lodged in my pelvis – HAHA!!). But ultimately, the ever-changing state of my life and my openness to God’s call and will for my life is resulting in contentment and a boredom free life. When I look at my friend, all I can see is a bored young mother desperately trying to fill a void with various pursuits – all of them fail to fulfill her. The happy and thriving person is simply responding to the tugs and pulls from God as best they can – even if the best we can manage is CLEAN yoga pants instead of the dirty ones!!!!
Lisa G. recently posted..Proving us wrong
Such a lovely post! I absolutely enjoyed it!
Wonderful post! I have been thinking a lot about the different seasons of life and what I need to thrive in them.